Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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