There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
