It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
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