I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
