sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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