May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
Randomize
