This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
i wish my penis had a tongue
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
