I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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