I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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