went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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