it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
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