im six kinds of drunk right now
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
I just want nice things and good sex
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
