so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
