I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
