So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Randomize
