Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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