Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
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