Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
