so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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