I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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