i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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