Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Randomize
