I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
