I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Sacagawea was the original milf.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
