Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
it wasn't lemon gatorade
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
