if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Randomize
