wrigley field is MILF paradise
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Randomize
