you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
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