New low: just hacked my moms facebook
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
