dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
