After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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