you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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