Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
One blow job doesn not make me gay.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Success! We fucked roommates!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
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