I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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