I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
