I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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