the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
