how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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