Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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