My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
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