Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
For 15 minutes straight, he literally did every accent there was, from Russian to Bostonian. The issue: no one could determine whether he was sober, wasted, or anywhere in between
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
