I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Randomize
