idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
