We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
