If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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