I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
home. puking in laundry basket.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Randomize
