I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
