Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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