gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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