good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
