What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Two words: nipple clamps
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