Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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