I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
