he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
