what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Randomize
