And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
last night I used snow as a chaser
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
