After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Vodka?
Forever.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize
