it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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